Touching Letter

I came across this letter while checking one of my forums the other day.  It is a letter from a momma to another momma who she saw Nurse in Public one time.  It's a very touching letter and I wanted to share it to show all you other mommas that you could very well be making a difference that you aren't aware of when you NIP. Every time you feed your baby in public, not cloistered in the bathroom or hidden away in the car, you are doing your part to help make society more accepting of breastfeeding.

Dear BF mama,
I was thinking about you today. I don't know if you would even remember me, but when I was about 6 months pregnant I sat next to you in the nail shop as we both were getting pedicures. I don't know if you realize this, but I think that it is because of you that I am breastfeeding. When I saw you BF your daughter, it was the FIRST time I ever saw anyone do this. My mother did not BF me, and I did not know anyone else that was/had done it either. You made it look so natural and easy and most of all, your daughter looked so HAPPY to be receiving her mother's milk. You candidly talked to me about it, and told me that you had been doing it for 10 months and going strong. I am crying while I am writing this because BF , although extremely hard at first, has been the most awesome thing for me and my son; I believe that it has bonded us in an incredible way. And I truly NEVER considered it before seeing you. YOU MADE IT SEEM NORMAL TO  ME AND GAVE ME A NEW PERSPECTIVE! The first time I NIP, I was TERRIFIED, but I thought of you and said to myself, "I need to pay it forward.  I need to contribute to normalizing this in my area/society'' (also, I was NOT about to BF in the bathroom :(  )
So, thank you so much for what you have given my son and me. We are both eternally grateful. You made a difference.
MIna and Kenton

The next time you are out and about and your child needs to nurse, don't worry about offending other people, don't worry about how much skin you might show.  Think of it as paying it forward and potentially helping another momma make the choice to breastfeed.

You're STILL breastfeeding?

That is the question many moms get asked when they nurse their baby past the age 1, and sadly, sometimes after 6 months of age.  There are so many opinions out there about when a mother should quit breastfeeding.  Several I've heard have been "when the baby has teeth", or "when she can ask for it", or even ages, 4 months, 6 months, a year.

"You're still breastfeeding?"

As an extended-breastfeeding mom, I have encountered this question multiple times, its a fact of life when you don't follow the norm of weaning your child early in their infancy.  Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization recommend breastfeeding until the age of 2 (TWO!) or BEYOND as long as it is mutually desired by the mother and child.  2 years of age.  Not 6 months, not 1 year. Not when they have teeth (some babies get teeth at 3-4 months, before their intestines are mature enough for anything but breast milk). Not when they can ask for it.  (Aren't they asking for it when they are newborns and cry because they are hungry?) Two years, or longer.

Unfortunately society makes mothers who follow this recommendation and continue to nurse and nurture their toddler ashamed of it, embarrassed about it.  It can be hard enough for mothers to nurse their newborns and infants in public, even harder once the baby isn't little anymore and people view it as inappropriate to still be breastfeeding.  Even though I am confident about breastfeeding in public, even though I am confident in my decision to continue breastfeeding my toddler, I get nervous when she asks to nurse when we are out. (She asks by either patting my chest or saying "nurse" which in her cute baby voice is more like "nuss") I wonder what people think and sometimes feel self conscious. Recently on Facebook I saw several comments from people about a news segment on breastfeeding.  One of them was "..to breastfeed a baby past a year?! WTH is wrong with these people?!" (WTH meaning "what the hell".)  Comments like those are what make mothers ashamed of doing what is best for their baby. Comments like those are what can make an experienced, confident mother like myself feel self conscious about her decision to breast feed her 16 month old daughter.

Despite doubting myself sometimes I will still continue to do it.  Why? I want to normalize extended breastfeeding.  I hope that other moms of toddlers who still nurse see me nursing my toddler in public and realize its not something that should be hidden away in shame.  I want people who haven't been exposed to breastfeeding, or extended breastfeeding to see me and realize that its not unnatural and its not gross, and that normal people do it too, that there is nothing "wrong" with people who breastfeed their children past the age of 1. 

So yes.  I am still breastfeeding.  Thank you for asking.

"What Would You Do?" Part 2 (Spoiler)

"What Would You Do?"

Uh, for starters, I would rewrite that entire segment.  I was SO disappointed with how they did the nursing in public scenario.

It took place in a little cafe.  A mom purchased a cup of coffee then sat down, unbuttoned the top couple buttons of her shirt and started breastfeeding her baby.  A man walked by (the manager) and proclaimed (in a disgusted voice) "Oh god. Excuse me, could you do that somewhere else?" and proceeds to tell her shes disrupting customers, hes trying to run a business, etc.  A lot of the customers sat and watched at first, most didn't say anything, until the Manager told the woman "Well if you wanna put milk in everybody elses coffee.." at which point several people spoke up and told him that he crossed the line and needed to stop.  The Manager was asking people passing by if it was bothering them.  One lady said "I have several young children and I wouldn't do that in public." Another man said "I'm not offended, but it makes me uncomfortable."  Several people responded that the conversation/the way the manager was talking to her made them uncomfortable.  One man, told the manager that he was not uncomfortable, it didn't bother him at all and she was fine.  One woman got very outspoken and said she wasn't buying anything from his store because of the way he was acting and that it is a blessing to see a mother breastfeed in public.

While I was pleased by (most) of the reactions of the customers, I think they went about the scenario the wrong way.  The first thing I take issue with is that they had the Manager be the one attacking the nursing mother, instead of another customer.  While I, personally would probably stand up to anybody going after someone breastfeeding, I can also see how most other people would be intimidated when it is the manager/owner of a business, assuming "his business, his rules" etc.  I think the reactions would have been different if it had been another customer going after the mom. 

The "mom" was an actress, and the baby was actually a doll (that amusingly enough had a fake pacifier in its mouth).  I would have preferred that it had been an actual baby and that the mom actually nursed, instead of pretended with a doll.

I also think it would have been better if they had not only done a "newborn" scenario, and had used an older baby to see what the different reactions were, if people were more offended by the nursing of an older baby or a toddler.

They usually do several different versions of each scenario.  With this one they did White Mom, Black Mom, Young Mom, Mom drinking a beer while nursing.  In the drinking a beer scenario a man started lecturing the mom telling her how bad it was and that he didn't think she should be drinking a beer while breastfeeding.  She said "its just one beer its fine, and he sleeps better at night" ugh, I couldn't believe she said that.  They said they included that variation to see what would make the mom lose the support of the customers.  I think a much better (and realistic) variation would have been how much of her breast the mother was exposing.  A mom nursing quietly and discreetly not showing anything, vs a mom with her entire boob pulled out, or something similar.

Overall I was happy that most of the patrons supported the mother and stood up for her, it was much better than I expected.  I expected that the reactions were what would upset me, not the poor writing of the scenarios.

Here is a link to the video in case you missed it,
http://abcnews.go.com/whatwouldyoudo
(under the WWYD Recent Reports)

What did you think?

"What Would You Do?"

There is a series on ABC called "What Would You Do?".  It is a hidden camera show that shows how the average person would respond when confronted with various situations.  One was "What would you do if you saw a man verbally abusing a woman in a park"  Then it swapped to "...a woman verbally abusing a man in a park"  another was "...if the waitress was very obviously hitting on your husband in front of you" or "...if you witnessed obese abuse".  Its a pretty interesting show and I try to catch it when I can.

I saw a commercial today for the new episode airing on Friday. "What would you do if you saw a mother breastfeeding in public?"

I am very interested in catching this one, to see what the general response is.  I seriously hope that it would be a very bland boring one.  Mother sits on bench breastfeeding.  People walk by.  Maybe smile.  Whoopee.  Unfortunately, since it is airing (and is featured in the commercial) my guess is that it is much more interesting than that, because people smiling as a mother nurses wouldn't get good ratings.

In fact, I'm inclined to think that it is going to make me mad.  Are people going to give the mother dirty looks? Confront her and tell her to cover up or go to her car or a bathroom?  I hope that isn't the case, but uh, I'm not getting my hopes up too high.  The fact of the matter is that while women are LEGALLY allowed to nurse their baby anywhere that they themselves are allowed to be, it is generally frowned upon by the general public.  Mothers are ashamed to nurse their babies in public because they don't want to get dirty looks, or confronted, or told they are doing something dirty or indecent.  When really they aren't.  They are feeding their baby.  NewsFlash- thats what boobs were made for.

I am a firm supporter of nursing in public. Nursing in public, in private, in your car, with a cover, without a cover, upside down, in a plane, in a train, here or there, anywhere. 

I feel like this was a very poor choice of subject for this show.  I for one would have been much more interested in a segment of "What would you do if you saw a mother being attacked for breastfeeding in public?"

So readers, What Would YOU do?